Goodbye

Dear Kathryn,

I'll miss you. I'm having the hardest time saying goodbye right now. I'm literally sitting here in tears as I write this.

It's been 24 years. 24 good years, and 24 hard years. I've been through everything with you. I remember all your birthdays and Christmases, and I remember all your friends, they're my friends, too. I remember the times you laughed, the times you cried, and the times you loved. I remember the people who loved you. I love you. Don't think that I want to say goodbye, but understand that I need to.

You are such a great person, you always have been, and you always will be. You were the one that went through the hardest times I think I have seen anyone go through. You were beaten down, mentally, physically, and emotionally. But you still got up every day, did what you needed to do, and continued on. You faced times that could have killed a weaker person, pushed through them, and came out all the stronger.

You faced 2 years in a boarding school that bordered on prison and techniques were considered brainwashing by some. You took longer than most, but you learned what you could from that place. You did your time, and you were all the better for it. You are so strong, Kathryn. You did things that I don't even think I would have been able to do if I hadn't known you.

You endured endless ridicule in school as you grew up, being called fatty, poser, and nerd. You didn't let the stupid kids see how much that hurt you, but you didn't let it keep you from persevering. Kathryn, you're my hero.

Know that I will never forget all that I have learned from you. Know that I will always remember what an amazing woman you could have been, if your soul had been attached to the right body. Know that though you will no longer exist on paper, you will exist in my heart, and the heart of those who love you. You will be a great mother, a great grandmother, and a wonderful great grandmother, hopefully.

But I have to say goodbye. I was never meant to be you, Kathryn. I was meant to be me. I'm terrified right now, because I don't know how tomorrow will feel, knowing that I won't ever get to see you again. You'll still be here with me, but to most of society, you'll be invisible. You'll never be invisible to me.

Please understand why I need to put that cloak of invisibility around your shoulders, understand that without that, I would not be able to live. I know all you want is for me to be happy. So as I sleep tonight, I will sleep with you in my heart, but tomorrow, the judge's gavel will swing, and you will disappear. I will be Katerick Alixan Lash, and Kathryn Alexis Lash will be nothing but a legal memory.

I love you, Kathryn, and I always will. Thank you for living the hardest part of my life for me. I hope I can do you justice with the rest of my life.

Sincerely,

Katerick.